"I Forgive Him"; Erika Kirk and her Inspiring Example of Christian Grace vis a vis the Jewish Understanding of Repentance
* Possibly place Maddison's story as an extension
* include a section on points from rabbis lecture about amazing grace
* include section summarizing rabbi sacks articles on this topic
* find a way to arrange lizzies story/rabbi shoffe's advice to my journey with ASCA step 6 dealing with anger
My outline:
1. erika kirk forgiving tyler robinson. great moral character and example of grace. "very choshuva lady" but I do think that her action was too soon and we do disagree in Judaism on that, forgiveness must be earned. i struggle with forgiveness and letting go - carry resentments with me for years and years, as well as shame and anger at myself. erika exemplifies an incredible example of the human capacity to show grace, at the same time sparked the question for me regarding the nuanced erspective and the jewish teachings on forgiveness and an elaboration on how to seek forgiveness from god and from our fellow man and how to forgive and let go when we carry that resentment and anger towards others.
1a. "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do"
1b Forgiveness is a profound and complex concept in Judaism, requiring sincere repentance and a commitment to change. Erika Kirk's choice to forgive her husband's assassin, despite his lack of remorse, highlights a significant difference between Jewish and Christian perspectives. In Judaism, forgiveness is not automatic, it must be earned through genuine repentance and restitution.
1c Tyler Robinson had not yet demonstrated remorse when she publicly forgave him - and was praised by many Christians for doing so. Even cheered. As a Jew - I disagree with that choice. And I am not alone. I am not denigrating her in any way or diminishing the respect I have for her or the strength of her character.
2. christian in jerusalem who was always forgiving for things he should not have been angry about in the first place - highlight that dont seek to constantly be insulted. use opportunity to specify that i am neither intending to generalize nor straw man. for further understanding of christian theology on forgiveness see those sources, i am not here to criticise or evaluate christian theology in any way or even really to compare christian forgiveness to the jewish understanding, i am learning from righteous christians such as erika a deeper understanding of what the torah teaches me, a jewish woman regarding forgiveness.
3. anger and forgiveness, neither should come easy. pirkei avos - kashe lichos ve noach lirtzos. but what is required for forgiveness? sometimes forgiveness should be given freely, such as cases where we should not carry anger in the first place. my friends who i hurt terribly when i experienced a mental health breakdown for the first time. they took steps to create proper boundaries and maintain their own peace of mind and so i wondered how angry they were at my actions that caused this fallout. i asked for forgiveness years later and she said, i dont need to forgive you because i never felt hurt and I was never angry with you, i understand that it was a mental illness. this is a great lesson for me, to change my ways and seek to not take offense so easily and even to reevaluate old grudges. perhaps a situation that was so offensive or hurtful to me was really a misunderstanding and i can choose in retrospect to let it go.
3a. however, if people did not ask me for forgiveness and they did agregious things - they say forgiving isnt for the person who harmed you but for yourself so you dont carry baggage. for example lizzie who was bullied by a girl named rochel so badly she wanted to change her name not to be associated with such emotional trauma. we dont need to forgive someone who never asked for forgiveness but we dont need to carry that baggage. rabbi shoffe - "he will burn in hell, thats his deal. i am going to move on in life"
rabbi shloffe also gave advice on how to turn that suffering into purpose that i will go into depth in another article, this article focuses on forgiveness and letting go.
4. the torah teaches us about reuven and yehudah commiting sins and being forgiven. reuven moved his fathers bed and yehudah orchestrated the sale of yosef. reuven did not earn back the priesthood and the kingship but he created something entirely new, he created the concept of repentence and his flag was degel hateshuva. yehudah sinned but he did receive the kingship - to understand the difference i want to revisit christian forgiveness as demonstrated by daniel di martino
5. story of sirli and the old woman and his quote. emphasise that "who says they are sorry" also, the tail end of his statement was profound - she cannot fix what was broken. demonstrating that forgiveness and mercy is divine. this world only has justice. you break a vessel it can be fixed you kill a person you cannot undo their death, but god is above the limitations of the natural world so god can offer redemption and because human beings are created in the image of god we can forgive as well.
a woman who cried the night of the fraudulent elections last year in Venezuela and said "It is my fault what happened here becuase I vote for Hugo Chavez and because of me my grandchildren had to leave their homeland. I supported a movement of trash." He continued in his speech and said "and you know what? I forgive her. I would forgive anyone WHO SAYS THEY ARE SORRY because I am a Christian
6. reuven could not repair what he had broken but he created something new. yehudah actually saved yosef by selling him, that leadership, albeit in sin, earned him kingship, but also he had the opportunity to repair the damgee. yosef only forgave him after he was prepared to give his own life in this world and the world to come to save binyamin, thus repairing that fracture that had been caused by his sin. even levi shows the power of teshuva, his shevet received a unique role, priesthood and leviites - but both he and shimon killed the people of shechem in retaliation for what their king did to Dina. But levi did teshuva (see source). we see that forgiveness must be earned, but saying you are sorry is not enough. sometimes you can repatch what was broken, but when you cannot, you can still create something new
7. back to the woman in venezuela - by her acknowledging her error and bravely sharing with the world the truth, something punishable by torture or death - she is offering an opportunity for venezuela to one day be free again and sending a warning for other countries to help preserve freedom around the globe. she cant undo the suffering she has caused but she can create something new.
8. rabeinu yonah
9. example of covid-19
10. rabbi machles - sefer yonah - the people of ninveh were not jewish we precisely read a story about non jews who repented on yom kippur because to know that forgiveness and repentence is a human phenomenon, not exclusive to being jewish, part of the human experience.
11. examples in history: kayin, salem withc trials, baltimore drug dealer who reported himself to the authorities. mindhunters,
12. . i questioned whether i am deserving of forgiveness because of all the things i have done especially when mentally ill - suicide attempts, neglecting my son, unpleasant to roomates. especially in comparison to people who in society who are the lowest of the low, for example a pedophile such as jeffrey epstien - had he repented before he died, or if there is a pedophile around today who has not yet been caught - if they can be deserving of forgiveness than what does that mean about the forgiveness i am deserving?
13. get wording from recorded aish chat re nature of the sin and required repentence for mental illness vs nature of sin and required repentence for a pedophile. beifly mention nechemya weberman.
The case of Nechemya Weberman is a deeply troubling one within the Jewish community. Weberman, a prominent figure in his community, was convicted of sexually abusing a young girl who had been sent to him for counseling. His actions were a grave violation of trust and an abuse of his position of authority. The case drew significant attention, highlighting issues of abuse and accountability within religious communities.
Weberman's conviction led to a lengthy prison sentence, reflecting the seriousness of his crimes. Recently, there have been discussions about clemency due to his health and the impact on his family. However, this has sparked debate, as many feel that the severity of his actions warrants the full extent of his punishment. The victim and her family have expressed opposition to his release, emphasizing the lasting impact of his actions.
This situation underscores the importance of addressing abuse within communities and ensuring that justice is served. It also raises questions about forgiveness and repentance, particularly when the offender has not demonstrated genuine remorse or made amends. In Judaism, forgiveness is a complex process that requires sincere repentance and a commitment to change, which is a crucial consideration in cases like Weberman's.
14. story of maddison and her sister in law jessica and her daughter carolina - abortion is corrosive because it makes us think that if we make a mistake we can just erase the consequences. rachel forgave jessica.
Rachel's story is a poignant illustration of the complexities surrounding forgiveness and personal agency. Pressured by her religious community, Rachel entered a marriage despite her reservations. Her husband mistreated her, both emotionally and physically, under the guise of religious obligation. When Rachel finally sought help, her sister-in-law, Jessica, initially dismissed her concerns but later recognized the severity of the situation and supported Rachel in obtaining a divorce. This narrative highlights the dangers of unearned grace and the importance of acknowledging and addressing the consequences of one's actions. Rachel's journey to reclaim her autonomy and choose life for her unborn child underscores the power of personal growth and forgiveness.
15. some rabbis pushed me into a marriage against my protests and others then tried to make it difficult for me to move forward when i decided I wanted a divorce. one rabbi who said to me "you must marry any young man willing to date you because most yeshiva students would not even give you the time of day as your father is poor." this was really painful to me and in my vulnerable state at the time i was very angry and hurt. i know that it is a combination of the actions of many rabbis and teachers as well as genetic and environmental factors that contributed to the PTSD and depression i suffer with until today including migraines, nightmares, flashbacks, cold sweats and panic attacks.
16. I am not sharing this to make myself feel good. nothing will ever make me feel good. I will never get my twenties back. I will never get the chance to marry young and build the family that i always dreamed of. My son will never get his childhood back. Even if the psychological symptoms get better through this activism it will not erase the years of anguish, turmoil and suffering. asca 12 step - why i engage in politics and social activism through my writing. I can't undo what was done to me and I am still trying to come to terms with that. But I can create societal change so that no bais yaakov girl in the future will experience what was done to me, that is why in future articles i will delve deeper into emunas chachamim, how and what age to teach about kollel, financial literacy education for girls, emunat chachamim and education regarding intimacy and relationships.
17. the first rabbi has since expressed remorse for what subsequently transpired in my life as a result of his thoughtless words. but one rabbi who interfered with a smooth divorce proceeding i think about in particular, he specifically apologized, not a generic apology but sought to understand the root of his error and he has gone above and beyond to repair the harms he has caused and to help me and my son in many ways over the years. the pain cannot be erased not the suffering washed away but i see the examples of erika, daniel and rachel and realize that forgiveness is possible, and through forgiving others I affirm that I too can be forgiven.
Sources:
- Jew for Judaism - Amazing Grace
- Daniel Di Martino - FSU lecture
- Epstein Survivors - Transparency Act
- Letter to Kathy Hochul requesting clemency for Nechemya Weberman - CBN News post
- Salem Witch Trials - PragerU video, find additional sources
- Erika Kirk Memorial speech (sampling of people praising her action)
- Donald Trumps speech - I dont wish the best for my enemies (contrast, we should wish the best)
- seek source, Gemarah Tana says, dont pray for the sinner to die but that he repent from his wickedness
- Daniel Di Martino - YAF lecture the evil nature of socialism - dont condemn the sinner condemn the sin (contrast, in judaism we judge the sinner for choosing to engage in sin - keep the door open for repentence)
- seek source dovid hamelech's son - god created the letter ה with a gap, created a path to repentence even for the sinner who has fallen to the lowest depths
- J-TV video criticizing Erika Kirks choice to forgive
- Josh Hammer show episode post memorial - criticizing Erika's choice to forgive
- my own article about covid antibodies as a treatment and kayin repairing the harm he caused to society by building the first city
- seek source - reuven became degel teshuva
- seek source - Yehudah was forgiven by Yosef only after he repented, expressed remorse and repaired the damage by pledging his life in this world and the world to come to protect Binyamin
- source - the wire, book the wire is based on, other sources re drug dealer turned informant
- People v Weberman
- nechemya-weberman-and-his-devoted-wife/
- https://amudim.org/news/when-our-leaders-get-it-wrong/
- rav_hershel_schachter_states_that_he_retracts_his/
- The Religious Wall of Silence Prosecutors try different methods to pursue sex assault cases in insular communities
- Brooklyn DA Backs Reduced Sentence for Notorious Child Molester
- letter to kathy hochul
- NY Jewish leaders asked governor to release Hasidic abuser, records show
- Guilty Verdict In Orthodox Abuse Trial
- Orthodox NYC counselor on trial in sex abuse case Brooklyn congregation rallies in defense of Nechemya Weberman, accused of molesting teenage girl; complainant, family shunned by community
- https://www.courtlistener.com/docket/17429029/parties/weberman-v-collado/
- Weberman Lawyer
Donna Aldea
(516) 745-1500
Fax: (516) 745-1245Barket Marion Epstein & Kearon, LLP
666 Old Country Road
Garden City, NY 11530 A Brief History of Forgiveness - Rabbi Jonathan Sacks Edited by Rabbi Emanuel Ben-David
https://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/1726319/jewish/The-Day-Forgiveness-was-Born.htm
https://rabbisacks.org/covenant-conversation/vayigash/the-great-experiment/
At almost every stage of fraught encounter between Joseph and his family in Egypt, Joseph weeps. There are seven scenes of tears:
33. Covenant and Conversation: The Challenge of Jewish Leadership
34. The Day Forgiveness was Born Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks ztz"l
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